


My Love Is

by anditwasallpink



Series: Let Yourself Go [2]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blow Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:16:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12119382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anditwasallpink/pseuds/anditwasallpink
Summary: Grantaire wonders if Enjolras really thought about dating him and what that means.





	My Love Is

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I went back and forth on if this should be chapter two or a part of the series (which I plan on continuing) and decided that I wanted it as part two. So, here it is!

Enjolras is wonderful with Idella and it amazes Grantaire. He sees them together and wants to melt. Enjolras actively participates in raising her with him, as does the rest of his friends, but its Enjolras, so its different. When he's out and he sees things that remind him of Idella or thinks she'll like, he buys them for her. He tries to see her everyday and Grantaire loves it. Idella loves it, if her squeals are anything to go by.

Its only been three weeks since Grantaire moved back to Paris and it doesn't hit him until that three mark that dating Grantaire is always going to have to revolve around Idella and what if Enjolras doesn't like that? Grantaire goes back and forth, Enjolras seems to love it now, but they also haven't even tried going on a date since he got back. Enjolras comes over or Grantaire takes Idella and her baby bag and they go over to Enjolras' apartment. This is a forever thing to, does Enjolras realize that? Idella is always going to be around, Idella will always come first. That's how it'll always be for him, but it doesn't have to be like that for Enjolras. Grantaire hears when Enjolras tells her when she's crying how much he adores her, hears when he tells her that everything's okay and he'll take care of her, so it can't really bother him, right?

Going on dates with Enjolras involves someone watching Idella and they've got friends for that. They've all volunteered to watch her for a night before, they all come over throughout the three weeks to see her multiple times, but he still doesn't feel okay with taking her to one of their houses to go out with Enjolras. He knows Enjolras deserves better, deserves someone who can take him out whenever he wants and Grantaire can't give him that. There needs to be planning in advance and he needs to actually want to let Idella go for a little while. 

Grantaire got a job in a comic shop a couple days after he got home. Idella gets passed around to whoever isn't working when he needs to and it still makes him uncomfortable. He spends every moment available texting whoever is watching her, asking how she's doing, if she's had her milk, if she's used the bathroom, if he can have a picture of her. They're all kind, they don't call him out on his worries, but it shouldn't be that they have to drop their plans for him. Courfeyrac and him don't have their wild Friday dates anymore. Courfeyrac comes over and they pop in a movie and eat food while Idella's in bed. 

He doesn't want to apologize for having a kid. He loves her with every fiber in his being, she's his joy, but.

His thoughts are interrupted when he feels his phone vibrate. He's still at work, but no one is in the shop, so he looks at it. 

enjolras: Do you want to do something to night? I want to see you.

Grantaire doesn't know when he got so lucky, but there's still the nagging in his head that says, "Enjolras wants to go on a date! He wants to go on a date and you can't do that for him!"

r: of course, wanna come over after i've got idella from jehan's and have dinner?

enjolras: Sounds wonderful.

Grantaire doesn't respond, the nagging voice telling him that Enjolras is lying, that he can't possibly want to do the same thing they always do, can't possibly find it wonderful.

There aren't enough people who come into the shop to take Grantaire's mind off of Enjolras. Most of the people that come in are regulars, in and out within twenty minutes. 

The work day ends and he goes to Jehan to get Idella. The house smells like vanilla and earth and Grantaire breathes it in as soon as Jehan opens the door. Jehan has Idella on his hip and Grantaire smiles when she extends her arms out for him, wanting to be in his arms. "Hello, baby," he says to her. 

She giggles and spit rolls down her chin. He uses the blanket Jehan has on his shoulders to wipe it up. 

"How was work?" Jehan's smiling down at them. He's got tulips in his hair, the same kind of tulips that are on Idella's onsie. 

"Long and boring. Enjolras is coming over tonight, so I've been looking forward to that mostly." He follows Jehan into his room where Idella's things are. The baby blanket tries to slide off his shoulders as he bends his knees down to help Jehan pick up everything and put it in her baby bag, but Idella puts her head on the blanket and it stops it from going any further. 

"Do you want me to keep Idella so you guys can have some alone time?" Jehan looks up at him when he says it, and Grantaire can tell he means it, is really offering it. He can see how much it doesn't bother him. "She can come with me to the market tomorrow."

"It doesn't bother you? You're really okay with keeping her all night? She's been sleeping all night for a while now, but she might wake up. You don't have a crib, though?"

"No, but Bahorel does and I'll just go over there for tonight. We've been meaning to hang out, he'll be happy to see Idella."

"No, no, that's disruptive. I'll take her. Thanks for the offer, Jehan." He goes to walk out of the bedroom, but Jehan stops him with a hand on the shoulder Idella isn't near. 

"Grantaire. Let me keep her tonight, it isn't disruptive. Have a night with Enjolras." Jehan says it with such conviction, looking into Grantaire's eyes. Grantaire searches his face for any sign that he doesn't actually want to do this, that its too much, but Jehan's mouth is set and his eyes are serious.

"Okay. I'll come get her around noon. Its Saturday tomorrow, so I won't have to work."

Jehan smiles and claps his hands together, "Wonderful!" He looks genuinely excited and that reassures Grantaire.

In the doorway, Grantaire reminds Jehan to send updates. He kisses Idella all over her face, making her giggle. He can feel her trying to swat him away with balled fists. 

It hurts a little bit walking away from her, but he's glad Jehan intervened. He can use tonight to talk to Enjolras and make sure this is really what he wants. 

///

Enjolras is outside Grantaire's apartment when Grantaire gets there. He's leaning against the door, scrolling through something on his phone. He doesn't realize Grantaire's there until he's right beside him, and then he looks up, and Grantaire's breath catches. Enjolras' smile is blinding and contagious. Grantaire loves him so much.

Enjolras' smile turns into a confused frown soon though. "Where's Idella?"

"Jehan begged me to keep her tonight. Is that okay?"

Enjolras' smile is back as he nods.

Grantaire presses a kiss to his lips before reaching for his keys and unlocking the door. They shuck their coats off and take off their shoes. Enjolras has galaxy socks on. 

"Are you hungry?"

Enjolras nods and so Grantaire walks into the kitchen, Enjolras following. They decide on zucchini fritters for dinner. Enjolras helps cook, but mainly distracts Grantaire by wrapping his arms around his waist when he isn't doing anything and resting his head on Grantaire's. 

They talk about their day as they eat. Enjolras actually had a fairly busy day. Grantaire listens and provides input when the moment is right. 

There's a lull in the conversation and that's when Grantaire decides he's going to ask Enjolras if this is what he really wants, except it comes out in a rush and not at all how he intended it. 

"Why do you want to be with someone who has a kid that isn't yours?" He immediently wants to take the words back, pick them up out of the air and shove them back down his throat, but he can't so he settles for clasping his hands over his mouth like a five year old.

Enjolras looks shocked and hurt. Grantaire hates that he did that.

"What do you mean?"

Grantaire takes a deep breath before he answers, closes his eyes and curses himself in his head. "I mean, dating me involves dating Idella, basically. That's kind of weird, but also true. She goes where I go and I really don't like asking for a babysitter when I'm here. Don't look at me like that, I know our friends love her and I know they like watching her, but its still that she is my baby and I want her here. I want her with me and I don't really like them watching her when I'm capable of it. But she isn't your responsiblity, she's mine, and I gladly take every ounce of responsiblity for her but you don't have to. And eventually, if we continue, you might? Cause I don't want some relationship where we date and don't go any farther. I want everything you will give me, I want you to still be here in twenty years, in thirty, and Idella's going to be there too. It'll be me, and her, and you. And she'll always come first for me. You'll have to come second, her needs are going to have to come first. Are you sure you want that? Are you sure you want having to stay in for most dates?"

Enjolras looks a little overhwelmed and Grantaire's heart drops. Enjolras must be able to see that because he reaches over to rub cirlces into Grantaire's wrist. 

"Grantaire, I already know all of this. I'm not asking for you to put me first. I know your daughter is going to be number one and that's okay. I do think you're going to need to seperate yourself from her just a little bit, maybe not now, maybe when she gets a little older, but you're going to need time without her. She's going to need that. If our friends offer it, take them up on it. Don't forget how much they love her. Eighty percent of all my conversations with any of them revolve around her now. Grantaire, I'm happy with you, I'm happy with you and Idella. I'm not going to give that up just because I'm not getting movie or amusement park dates."

"Oh." It takes a moment, but then Grantaire is smiling and Enjolras is walking over to him and pushing the seat back and getting into Grantaire's lap and kissing him and it makes Grantaire's head fuzzy and his brain stop working, only focusing on Enjolras' mouth. The kiss is slow and divine for a long while. Grantaire enjoys kissing Enjolras, likes how his mouth moves against his. He thinks he could do it forever, oxygen be damned.

Enjolras presses against him and instantly the air shifts. The kiss turns hot and open mouthed. Grantaire feels sticky in his work clothes, but Enjolras' crotch being so close helps him forget it. The kiss breaks off when Grantaire needs some air. Enjolras starts kissing behind his ear. Grantaire moans and then he hears Enjolras' voice.

"Is this okay?"

Grantaire doesn't want to speak, wants to just nod his affirmation but he can't because Enjolras still has his mouth behind his ear and Grantaire wants it to stay there, so instead he says, "Very much okay."

One of Enjolras' hands come up and tangle themselves in Grantaire's hair. He pulls a little and Grantaire just barely stops himself from bucking up. His mouth moves from behind Grantaire's ear to his jaw, then to his neck. It looks like his head is craned uncomfortably, and Grantaire's go his neck stretched as high as he can, head thrown back, but Enjolras is kissing him so he doesn't complain. Grantaire tries to keep his eyes open, but they keep fluttering shut, especially when he feels teeth on his neck. 

Grantaire doesn't know what to do with his own hands, realizes they're just hanging limply by his sides. He reaches up slowly and puts them around Enjolras' waist. Enjolras makes the prettiest sigh he's ever heard right into Grantaire's neck. Grantaire can feel him against his belly and it makes him wonder if Enjolras has wanted this for as long as Grantaire has.

Grantaire hasn't had sex since he got the news that he was going to be a father. His last shag was some guy he met while he was tipsy. It wasn't great, but Grantaire loves sex, loves any form of it and he's missed it, but he hasn't had time, not even to get off once in a while.

"What do you want?" Enjolras asks.

"Anything you'll give me, anything Enjolras, please." Its desperate and needy and everything that Grantaire feels. He feels honored that Enjolras wants Grantaire, wants to be with him even though he comes with all sorts of rules, comes with a past that Enjolras knows all too well. He wants anything and everything Enjolras will give him.

Enjolras slides off of Grantaire, pushes the seat back some more, and gets on his knees. He looks so lovely, Grantaire thinks.

Enjolras starts unbuttoning Grantaire's pants and drags the zipper down with one hand, holding Grantaire's hand with the other. He lifts up when Enjolras starts to tug his pants and underwear down, closes his eyes when they're down to his ankles. Enjolras lifts himself up on his heels and kisses Grantaire's fingers. Everything feels lovely and soft, even with Enjolras on his knees, even when he licks up Grantaire's cock. Enjolras looks up nervously after, sees how Grantaire has his head hanging back, eyes shut, and then goes down and swallows over the head. Grantaire can feel him tugging at his hand, knows he wants Grantaire's eyes on him. He thinks Enjolras might kill him. Grantaire can feel Enjolras going as deep as he can, can feel him growing confident. He feels like he's floating when Enjolras starts to rub the hand not holidng Grantaire's against himself in his pants. 

"Let me see you, Enjolras, come on." Grantaire watches as Enjolras listens, stands up for a bit and takes his own pants off, wraps a hand against his cock and then gets back on his knees. Grantaire pets him lightly, then curls his hands around his neck, and lightly pushes. 

Enjolras keeps up his strokes on his cock while he sucks Grantaire off. Grantaire feels light and airy and he isn't going to last long, tells Enjolras as much. Enjolras doesn't slow down, lets Grantaire come in his mouth and swallows it, then comes in his own hand. 

Enjolras stays on his knees, laying his hands on Grantaire's thigh. Neither of them want to move and Grantaire knows Enjolras is going to have to be steadied when he does get up. Grantaire takes a deep breath, then reaches for a napkin on the table and wipes Enjolras' hand. When there's no more come on it, he kisses each finger, each knuckle, and hand, before he straightens up, helping Enjolras get up as well. 

///

Grantaire wakes up curled around Enjolras. They kiss slowly when he realizes Enjolras is awake, then goes down on him to return the favor from last night. It's lovely and warm, sunlight filtering in through the windows. Enjolras comes apart and then lets Grantaire put him back together again.

Enjolras gets excited when Grantaire tells him its time to go get Idella. They hold hands as they walk to Jehan's and when Jehan opens the door, Enjolras squeals in excitment at the baby in Jehan's arms. 

Grantaire doesn't know what the future holds, but he's pretty sure Enjolras will be there.


End file.
